Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the news
There's nothing but bad news, all the good's been used
That is the story, that's what I've heard you say
It's not the same today, there's good news on the way.
We have tonight a story of a special baby's birth
So cease with all your worry, bring in merriment and mirth.
On the screen behind me the story will unfold.
This is the special baby, the one of whom you're told.
Our correspondent on the scene has captured the event.
We switch you now to California, where our film crew went:
Miracle wonder boy, born today
They say he talks, has a lot to say.
His name is I says UPI and rightly so.
All that exists, there's nothing missed, is his ego.
Born today to lowly chicken farmers
Is not a boy, but a man.
We'll try to get a few words if we can.